Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
