I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
