I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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