I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
