Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
