Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
