I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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