im drinking this country out of the recession.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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