she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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