I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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