It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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