the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
