You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
