it's too hot outside to masturbate.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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