My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Randomize
