What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
