if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Couch. On fire.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
