eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I queefed so loud it echoed.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
