Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
