He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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