what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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