She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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