I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
