i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
