I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
