her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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