I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
