I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
