fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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