John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I party with great urgency now.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
