Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
