I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
