I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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