Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
