Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
