I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
