Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
