I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Is it penis luge time yet?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
