I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
