Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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