can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
