I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Houston, we have a blender
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Randomize
