Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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