i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
