Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
