She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
