you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
