the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
