i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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