awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
how do flat chested girls get laid?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
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