is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
