Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
