My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Randomize
