one two three fourrrrnication!
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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