hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
