Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
the liver wants what the liver wants
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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