So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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