She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
