so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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