there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
