she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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