How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You ate ashes out of my bong
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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