Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
