Barsexuality is the new black.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Randomize
