I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I want to make a zoo with you.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
