how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
