Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
