So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
