its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
we're making bets on your personal life
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
